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Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I have met this man of my dreams—more than 10years ahead of me who already enjoys his profession as a teacher and in the process of his business venture. We are now four months in our more than friends but less than lovers affair. I remember how contented I once was. Later on, everything turned the way I least expected them to be. The affection slowly faded away, the longing eradicated from my system and simply, the love I once had with him turned out to be something I cannot appreciate anymore. He is the first man who ever let me realize the pain of being untrusted, doubted and even though he exaggerated his negative views about me, he doesn't fail to give me simple thrills from his simple lines of praises. Above all his shows of affection and doubts, he lets me discover myself more. As he once put it, "You have many men. How many f***ed you? You deserve not to be trusted and loved." I am very particular that you bet how I felt upon hearing those words from someone not-so-dear. Yeah! It made me rage in deep flare. But it's not wrong to have doubt for I believe that trusting and believing without any doubt is being blind, blind love for the one we adore. I also reflected on his doubtful line, it's true that I never entered any serious relationship since I had my first, three years earlier and although I can pretend that entering one again is not on my list, I simply cannot deny in myself that I have been waiting for one in this early age. Admittedly, I have had more or less 20out-of-commitment affair with guys ranging from July 2007 up to 2009. I hoped that "THE ONE" could be one of them, I set no qualifications and tried everyone who were halfway of my ideal man. As many of you guess it, those were kind of game. And the loser? It's me. I expected something beyond what circumstances could grant me.

This man I am talking about visibly doesn't trust me, however, he still remains as the man I like—the man in my dreams. All he guaranteed me is the lesson I have learned only from him. That there is a right time for love. Lo9ve can wait. Whatever! But it's the greatest thing I have to thank him.

Well, life really goes this way. Seems unfair but it's where thrills of emotional aspect of life comes from and certainly, we cannot expect it to be the way we want.


hindi ko pa rin pala talaga kayang mag-open dito ng tungkol sa totoong problema ko..:(


elpi said...

Well this is my first time to dropped by and It's sad to know what you went through. Even me as a guy I already experienced what you passed by and it hurts so badly right?I sniff the pain as I read it. It's easy to say that you have to move on but you really have to do that. Don't choose to be stupid or else I'll kick your A** lol Just pray and be more patient.
happy healh pad

Love said...

elow.. also my first time here..

hurting words from the one you really like is like a lightning thunder to the ear...

eventually someone will love you the way you are..

Anyways.. nice blog here..

kikilabotz said...

hello ate pen ^_^

renz bacani ginez said...

@elpi and love, thank you for hopping here..
i once been a stupid and once is enough..:) will visit you back soon..:)

@kikilabotz, ate ba talaga? hehe..:) mas muka kang kuya nu.. haha..:D