a search for motivation? find yours!

I was just inspired to write this piece by a fellow marian’s article in SMU mag, entitled “resurrection”. He talked about his mistakes and his eagerness to gain second chance—with lots of efforts he proved his family that he deserved second chance. He compared it with Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection.

Here I go. I was wondering if reading such articles would fulfill my craving for motivation. Still, I couldn’t say it would but at some point at least, I got an idea on how to start revealing my predicament.

Pressure, temptation and addiction are inevitable which would lead us to savage changes until we come to the extent that we’d lose our conscientious disposition that is oftentimes concomitant to downfall of our aspirations. Talking of stepping out of the line, it is what we, students love to do—having the freedom to decide for what we think is for own good and search for happiness. In other words, we really enjoy being partly independent. Independence in self-indulgence but accompanied with negligence of proper conscience. Sometimes, we fail to realize that what we are doing would lead us to darkness and incapability to recognize our real world.

I am here at SMU having been granted the opportunity to restart my bachelor’s degree—sincerest gratitude to my brother who financially supports me. Like most of you, I am covetous of the paper which declares that one has complied with the prerequisites on a certain course, after four or five years of sacrifices, determination and hard-work. BUT there’s a big problem in my case, my very predicament and I know that I am nowhere to blame my family for being too slothful in my studies. I’ve been trying hard to love formal education like how I love real-life lessons, the problem is within me. I let myself used to do such worthless stuffs—earning friends (I don’t say that winning many friends is not right) not acknowledging myself of the limitations. With this pronounced supine, the more likely I lead myself to despair and less likely I feel the pangs of compunction I was stuck with.

Being marian contributes very little to my complacence as a student because of this laziness I cannot escape but knowing that I have a wide range of chance for self-transformation and self-improvement, I am willing to do every possible way to get back to the right path. I guess I should always remind myself that “EDUCATION IS THE BEST ANTIDOTE FOR (FILIPINO) IGNORANCE” –Jose P. Rizal, and that “I have brush and colors, I paint paradise and then in I go” –Nikos Kazantsakis. None of us would want to be imprisoned with uttered ignorance so before total darkness comes, I should be able to gain life’s enlightenment—I have to regain vigor. We aim not hellish life but paradise so before hell ever seize me I must take a very tight grip to the hands of practicality.

How about you? Have you ever realized the needs of changes in any angle of your personality? :)

a painful goodbye, a happy beginning

Being with someone special is one of the precious moments in our lives. Well, I was with one of the most special people in my life last night. I missed him, that’s what I know. I was so happy chatting with him even if it meant welcoming pain—I really didn’t care—we talked about his girlfriend, his “bestfriend” and nothing more important.

It was like being in a dramatic scenario—I really can’t imagine that I was able to confide that I was hurt upon hearing about his “bestfriend”. What I cannot forget the most is that I prepared myself for our last bonding—it might be our last talk and I accepted this possibility.

There were many things I wanted to reveal but I was afraid to hear painful truth. I wanted to confess one thing but I did not bother. I wanted to ask him one thing but I preferred to keep myself dangling. I wanted to tell him one thing but I was afraid to hear responses that might embarrass me. I don’t know if I can stand this reality of losing someone but I know it has to be this way.

*di naman aku drama.:))