December 25th is nearing, I know very well that many of you folks out there already made a plan for this Christmas vacation as many Christians call it. Especially for the 25th day of this month where you guys will be celebrating Jesus Christ's birthday. Being in the INC church and unaware of I dunno if those are mostly catholic doctrines and beliefs, I still cannot comprehend why my fellow Christians make such a celebration even though they know that it's not the exact birth date of JC, and they can't even find one that proves his real birth date (they claim so).
Err.. I just hope, no one would censor me in my straightforward statement.
Once in our impromptu speech in our English 1b subject, I was asked asked, “What do you wish for Christmas?” I requested for another question since we really don't celebrate Christmas but when I had answered the other question given to me, I found myself recurrently going back to the question, at the back of my mind at least. I wanted to answer it. Very selfish and personal wishes actually pero hindi naman material lahat. Hehe!
If ever I would be granted a wish, I wanna own all the things I wish of having—laptop, car, phones etc for material things. Non-material naman, akin na lang yun. Haha!
I was walking back to my boarding house, as I turned to the quatervois I had to take, someone who was behind me uttered a greeting, “Hi Pen!” then I turned around to see who was it—one of the lasses I just met somewhere—then another shouting voices, “Pen! Pen!”, oh my friends were calling me even they're on the other lane (as they habitually do when they see me).
And as I would always do as a response, I strode over to where they were and didn't notice that a car was coming. I was almost hit! Thanks God for the car stopped right on my face. People were shouting in worry. What a shame!---Haha! This scene is what I exactly imagine whenever I walk down any street.
Been planning to make an update but so unfortunate of me that I really dunno how to form all the things I have in mind. It's like I am staring into the nothingness of the sky with my absent mind. I hate this!
All I can share now is the decision-making process I am into. It's about my major subject, Accounting 1. Like what I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts, our professor Mr. Eduardo Susi who happened to have stimulating strategy in delivering his lectures, will soon be replaced in his schedule to our class. I had this idea of transferring to his first class at 7-8:00AM. The problem is that I would not want to race (in the use of bathroom) with my board-mates who also have 7AM classes , especially with the two medical students who often have hospital duties at daytime. I have made up my mind, I'd like to try our new instructor, if I would click in her ways, then no need to follow Mr. Susi. Hehe!:)
Kagagaling ko lang kila Sarah, one of my classmates na vibes ko, kasundo, kasindaldal at kung anu-ano pa.
May nagtext sa’kin na new number, sabi:
“musta kayo jan?”
Ako:sino to?
Texter:Ate Shasha mu to.
Hayun! Si ate pala. Ugh. Nonsense ba?
Nah! Ganito kasi, sa tinagal-tagal kong nawalay sa sis ko, pati sa iba pa naming kapatid, di man lang ako makaalalang mangumusta o kung anu pa man. Kung napapatext man ako sa kanila, iyon ay kung may kelangan ako. Hay! Sabi nga sa’kin ng bunso namin minsan, “Saka ka lang naman mag-text kung may hihingin ka.” Tawa lang ako sabay sabi ng, “Wala nga akong ibang sasabihin, bakit pa ako magte-text?” sama nu?
At sa conversation namin ni Sarah, naisingit ko yung tungkol sa best friend kong si Joy. Best friend ko for more or less 15 years now (she’s 19 and m 20). Feeling ko kasi anlaki na ng aking pagkukulang. May time ako sa not-so-close barkadas, jamming, shot shot with kakilala lang at kung anu-ano pa man. Pero sa kanya? Ewan ko ba. Matagal-tagal na din kaming walang communication at hindi nagkikita dahil sa nasa work siya sa ibang lugar at nag-aaral naman ako. These past few months, di ko pa maalalang ako unang nagparamdam at nangumusta sa kanya. As in hihinrtayin ko pa talagang siya ang una magtext o magpa-ring sa number ko, at pagkatapos ng isa hanggang tatlong reply, dedo na naman komunikasyon namin ng ilang century.:)).. Medyo mahaba-habang usapan na namin yun aabot ng lima o sampung replies sa pagkukumustahan. Naitatanong ko nga, “asan ang essence ng firendship namin?”, at dahil napi-feel ko talaga na may pagkukulang ako na di ko naman alam kung papanu makakabawi, naiisip ko nalang, “Ano ba talaga ang pagkakamali ko?”, “Ako ba tong may kung anung problema?” Di ko din mahanapan ng kasagutan ang mga simpleng tanong na yan saking isipan pero isa lang naman ang masasabi ko, hindi siya mapapalitan bilang “bestest” at “truest” friend ko. All my life, di pa ako nakakita ng taong tutumbas sa pagiging totoo niya as a friend. PERO sa tingin mo, may mali ba sa’kin?
Kung sa loob ng pamilya naman namin, sa mga kapatid ko, di ko idedeny na mas may time pa ako sa barkada at kung anu-ano pang walang-kwentang (nga siguro) libangan. Kung may matatanggap man silang text galing sa’kin, asahan nilang ang laman, “Dy, padagdag ng allowance.” O di kaya naman “Pambayad ko ng ganito o ganyan.” At kung mga kapatid ko ang itetext ko, “Pakisabi wala na akong allowance.” Hay! Kung ikukumpara mu naman sa pakikipagpalitan ko ng text sa mga di ko naman close na barkada, kukulangin pa ata ang isang araw na balitaan ng mga walang kwentang pangyayari.
Saan at ano ba talaga ang malin sa ugali ko?
PS: pasensya, di ko talaga alam kung papanu ilabas ng buong buo yung nasa isipan ko.
I have had this feeling for more than a year now and I don't want to recognize it as love but infatuation rather. I may be silly to take it as a problem but honestly speaking, dealing with it isn't that easy for me. Sometimes, I tend to lose concentration in the things I must put first--reviewing notes and other school stuffs. I even find myself floating in reverie at times and I can't appreciate it. Maybe I am just being negative to see him in a way he is really not, that he resembles the guys who are used to taking advantage of girls--paranoid--but how would I learn to trust again if in the first place, men, guys like him were the ones to give me reasons not to trust again? In fact, I know the rules and lessons in being in love, I can give advice but how come that I can't act in accordance of the words that come out from my lips?
And the worst of it? I want him to be my last guy. Yes!! You read it right. haha..
But trying to grasp what the innermost part of my thinking mind says.
I have been in this state for few days.
I so hate this feeling.
I feel like I have done nothing good for my studies and in all aspects of my being.
Last week, our Accounting professor announced the schedule of our first ever minor exam. We had the exam yesterday. Being so confident, I did not review the lessons we had discussed. And being so inattentive during lectures whatsoever, I wasn't acquainted of the contents of the exam. I thought it was pure analysis—value received and value given away, that kind of thing—I ignored the acronyms mentioned in the lectures and even the statements and facts about accounting. Whew!!! Only to discover that those things I ignored were of majority in the test items.
Then this morning, I crossed path with my former classmate who happened to have checked my test paper, he told me that I got 50 something out of 100 items. Ayun! Kinda' disappointing. But I know that it was the result of my performance in this particular circumstance. Nakaka-frustrate!
You know guys, being out of school for three years was a real challenge. Looking at its positive view, it was the time that I realized the need of going to school, the desire to earn a degree to mention some. But you know, now that I am back to being a student, I feel like I am starting again as a K1, and maybe worse, as growing infant who's taught by a mom. I really hate it! Adjustment? Maybe. It's so hard. Sometimes, I even think that I cannot move on to this predicament anymore. That I will be in this state forever—confused and seems illiterate! I wouldn't want to be like this, but neither would I dream of leaving school again.:(
PS: mamaya ulit... may klase pa ako. Sa fourth floor pa.
Here in Bayombong again. Wee!!! We will have quizzes tomorrow. First ever written outputs. Ayee!!! After a tiring travel from my place to here, I still managed to update my blog. Hmmm... Just can't get over with this intriguing chain question friends sent to me:
"Someday I wanna be Mrs. ______."
Bilang may pakisamang nilalang at marahil dahil "infatuated" ako ngayon (actually matagal na din), sinagot ko naman. Saya-saya ko kasi inaasahan ko ding interesado siya sa'kin at parang magiging close din kami. Ambisyosang nilalang talaga ako eh. Haha! Manhid siya. Napakamanhid!!!! I really WANT him, LIKE him but I ain't sure if I already LOVE him. aha!! ____________________________________________________________________________________
Eto nga pala.
I already have John Grisham's THE PELICAN BRIEF. It's actually been handed to me by a friend for four months now, I think.
Sa wakas mababasa ko na din. Bale dalawa palang nababasa kong obra ni J. Grisham. Pangatlo to.:)
Last night, there was a meeting convened at the top floor of our boerding house. Our landlady recounted before us the new rules and regulations we must comply with in regards to Saint Mary's University (the school I/we attend) scheme. I honestly don't know how to call it. He-he! Higher ups, I mean some of the university's employees (the dean of women, VP acad actually, and even the university president) make a semestral inspection of all lady marian's dormitory to see if we, students, maintain or adapt the CHSF (clean, healthy, safe and friendly environment) and 4C's, which are included in the mission and vission of the institution.
They also capitulated to us the plans they have set for the coming christmas party. Why higher ups? It was the word for the night. There was this instructor, our landlady's friend, who planned for the christmas party, kept on using the word. Wala lang..:)
FAREWELL....(5:30)
Our Accounting 1 instructor already said hid goodbyes yesterday before he started the lecture. There will be someone from allied bank to take over his schedule to us. Awh! My classmates felt so sad when they heard his farewell. We'll surely miss him. Pero ako naman, ewan ko kung anu nakain ko at jolly na jolly aku that time. I even jested, “Ayaw mu lang yata sa'min Sir eh?” But he kept on talking about our new instructor and mentioned her name. Ako naman si bingi. “Sir lalake ba?” Tapos sabat netong kaklase ko, “Jocelyn nga eh, lalake?” Then “Lalake sana mas maganda.” 'kako. Ayun!!! Bunch of laughter exploded in the whole room. Akala siguro ng mga kaklase ko, naghahanap ako ng wafung propesor. But nah. Mas wala lang talaga akong hiya 'pag lalakeng guro. Pero marahil, nagkataon lang na hindi istrikto yung mga former teachers ko. And it's not to brag up naman, I had always been “Sir's” favorite back in elementary and secondary. Not that may utak ako kasi run-of-the-mill student lang talaga ako pero dahil maingay ako at walang-hiya, di naman tamang sabihing brabo kasi pagdating sa mga competition tameme lang ako. Tama na mga ang pagyayabang.
Seriously, i'll miss Mr. Eduardo Susi, our Accounting 1 instructor. Motivating kasi yung strategy niya sa pagtuturo. If you only witnessed my classmates reactions yesterday, makikita mo talaga sa facial expression nila na malungkot. Imagine, nagfa-fuck-aaktibo ang buong klase in all the exercises under the course eversince. The way he talk, he explains the lesson, mamomotivate ka talaga. We don't feel any sign of boredom pag siya na nagtuturo. Ayoko nga din talagang umalis siya eh pero di ko din naman sinabing ayoko yung papalit sa kanya. He-he! There's something to look forward to. Pero may possibility talaga na magiging unmotivated na naman kami sakaling mapalitan nga si Mr. Susi.
Another tiring school day is over. Just want to share the joy I am in now.
I am so inspired…
Motivated…
Directed…
And it’s a blessing…
I feel so blessed…
We did some accounting stuffs this night and I did my work so enthusiastically. Whether or not what’s happening to me is a miracle, I feel like celebrating for it. I am so happy for this.
I would want to call it a gift which would bring out my strength, faith in what I can do and direct me in my race.
Hopefully, it will be the beginning of serious effort.
Hopefully, I won’t be wrong in my outlooks of this sudden change.
Hopefully, I can’t be wrong in seeing this as an opportunity—opportunity I have to grab, and opportunity that would bring me to success.
I might encounter failures in my way ahead but….
Hopefully, this inception would bring out the best in me.
Hopefully, it is now the answer of my prayers—motivation.
I believe though that in education, it is still best to let yourself learn.
Being in college, we encounter more thorough and harder learning process than what we had witnessed in primary and high school, but letting ourselves become mature in thinking and in doing will be the solution to pass this chapter of our lives.
We may encounter problems, trials and slip-ups in the future, but may those ingredients of life help us grow, stronger and more determined to go on in this earthly journey.
Last night, there was a meeting convened at the top floor of our boerding house. Our landlady recounted before us the new rules and regulations we must comply with in regards to Saint Mary's University (the school I/we attend) scheme. I honestly don't know how to call it. He-he! Higher ups, I mean some of the university's employees (the dean of women, VP acad actually, and even the university president) make a semestral inspection of all lady marian's dormitory to see if we, students, maintain or adapt the CHSF (clean, healthy, safe and friendly environment) and 4C's, which are included in the mission and vission of the institution.
They also capitulated to us the plans they have set for the coming christmas party. Why higher ups? It was the word for the night. There was this instructor, our landlady's friend, who planned for the christmas party, kept on using the word. Wala lang..:)
FAREWELL....(5:30)
Our Accounting 1 instructor already said hid goodbyes yesterday before he started the lecture. There will someone from allied bank to take over his schedule to us. Awh! My classmates felt so sad when they heard his farewell. We'll surely miss him. Pero ako naman, ewan ko kung anu nakain ko at jolly na jolly aku that time. I even jested, “Ayaw mu lang yata sa'min Sir eh?” But he kept on talking about our new instructor and mentioned her name. Ako naman si bingi. “Sir lalake ba?” Tapos sabat netong kaklase ko, “Jocelyn nga eh, lalake?” Then “Lalake sana mas maganda.” 'kako. Ayun!!! Bunch of laughter exploded in the whole room. Akala siguro ng mga kaklase ko, naghahanap ako ng wafung propesor. But nah. Mas wala lang talaga akong hiya 'pag lalakeng guro. Pero marahil, nagkataon lang na hindi istrikto yung mga former teachers ko. And it's not to brag up naman, I had always been “Sir's” favorite back in elementary and secondary. Not that may utak ako kasi run-of-the-mill student lang talaga ako pero dahil maingay ako at walang-hiya, di naman tamang sabihing brabo kasi pagdating sa mga competition tameme lang ako. Tama na mga ang pagyayabang.
Seriously, i'll miss Mr. Eduardo Susi, our Accounting 1 instructor. Motivating kasi yung strategy niya sa pagtuturo. If you only witnessed my classmates reactions yesterday, makikita mo talaga sa facial expression nila na malungkot. Imagine, nagfa-fuck-aaktibo ang buong klase in all the exercises under the course eversince. The way he talk, he explains the lesson, mamomotivate ka talaga. We don't feel any sign of boredom pag siya na nagtuturo. Ayoko nga din talagang umalis siya eh pero di ko din naman sinabing ayoko yung papalit sa kanya. He-he! There's something to look forward to. Pero may possibility talaga na magiging unmotivated na naman kami sakaling mapalitan nga si Mr. Susi.
Just got back to school and went straight here at e-library. Will transfer to Apo Pilo when my time credit is up.
I ain't feeling well. Seems like fever is going to hit me at this point. Wnew!!!
Can't forget the gal I passed by a few minutes back. The stout school girl who was as if examining me from my head to shoes. Shit! naiinis talaga ako. Tignan ko din kaya pataas-pababa.
Ugh..!
Wala akong maisip. School matters really gets on my nerves. So depressing to think of and do too seriously. I am not used to reading educational books but it's a part of being in the School of Accountancy. Mi gulay!!! Kelangang mag-adjust.
Tama na muna ang reklamo...
Yesterday, when I was about to log out my FaceBook account, I remembered to search for our NSTP instructors name for she asked us to add her on our friends' list. When I was done clicking the "add friend" button, I found myself typing another name. My childhood best friend's name--Jessa... Perhaps, still hopelessly hopeful. I dunno if you understand the feeling. Almost gave up searching but I am really eager to know her again. Imagine, been looking for her on the internet for a more than a year now then I unexpectedly found myself searching for her name again yesterday. Pramis!!! Blessing yun. Halos maiyak pa ko. When the result appeared, I told myself "wala talaga". Then there, di ku akalaing di pa rin nagbabago mukha niya after a good 13 years now. Sent her a message pero gang ngayon la pa reply. Anyway, we were best friends (I dunno if she still considers me as one up to now) in the year 1997 when I studied in West Central School in Pangasinan. We parted ways when I asked my parents to bring me back in Quirino, my Mom's place, where I continued my primary education.
There are lots of memories worth looking back to in those times we were together. Iiyak na ako.. ahaha!!
Til here muna. Lapse na credit ko eh.. take care folks!!:)
