Hey guys! How are you? Well, I was just surprised to know that I have lot of readers here. I wanna thank everyone who keeps visiting my page. Thank you guys! I love it. You know guys, this blog is intended for, well, nothing in particular but I really am surprised that there are some who waste time on reading my posts. I really love it. I just made this blog, like what I have said, to write here what I can’t express verbally. As you can notice, most of my posts aren’t worth sharing.
This day? Nothing significant happened. I just can’t forget what happened at Apo Pilo this afternoon. I and my classmates were on the go for our research. We really busied ourselves through research—copy-pasting, editing, you know. Just a few minutes, we were almost done. The lights went off and just a few seconds, there the computer units went off too—power went out.
Another nakaka-badtrip, I opened my yahoo account to check new mails—a hundred new mails, thousand unopened. I was sending my reply to one of the messages I received then power power power went out! My goodness.
Weh!! Finally, finally, finally! I have moved to my new boarding house. I actually packed my things I had to bring with me in a rush last night. I didn’t even mind my new board mates’ question—they were wondering why I moved at night if in the first place I can move during daytime. Finally, I am able to sleep soundly and peacefully.
My classmates told me that I look depressed—maybe because I was deprived of rest these past two nights plus the worries in school. On Monday, I woke up early and prepared for school an hour before my first class just to do my assignments only, our instructor did not asked us to pass them all when I exerted much much effort just to finish them for me to pass them on time since we were instructed to submit them by Monday. Whew! The following day, today (Tuesday), we (10 of us I guess) share only one bathroom in the boarding house so I had to wake up very early to prepare for my 7AM class for us not to race with the use of the bathroom. Churva! After taking my lunch, I went to my bed right away to take forty-winks. Kelangan ko pang bawiin mga pagpupuyat ko. :)
As I can vividly recall, I and a friend had a nostalgic reminiscence of the good old times with our past boyfriends and best friend (best guy friend actually) then off to bed. I was so sleepy but as I lied down in my bed, my world descended. There were many things in my mind but what I really wanted at the very moment was to rest. I really do not know why my sleepiness went away. After an hour or two of just lying down, sleep finally came over me.
Here how the terrible night occurred.
I got up from bed at around 3AM to get something in my bag. Then, went back to my bed to sleep again. As I lied back down, I felt that someone was moving my bed as if there was an earthquake. I ignored it but I I admit it scared me to death. My heartbeat went faster and faster and faster. Then another terrifying point, when I was calmed, there was something went under my bed. This something lifted my foam bed. My God! My heartbeat again went faster and faster and faster, it was scarier—Iwas dead scared. Only, even if someone manages to hide under my bed, he would no way lift my foam. Whew! What a work of imagination but whether it was just my playful imagination or not, TAKOT na talaga ako sa boarding. Admittedly, I even didn't go upstairs since I left for school this morning.
I was just inspired to write this piece by a fellow marian’s article in SMU mag, entitled “resurrection”. He talked about his mistakes and his eagerness to gain second chance—with lots of efforts he proved his family that he deserved second chance. He compared it with Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection.
Here I go. I was wondering if reading such articles would fulfill my craving for motivation. Still, I couldn’t say it would but at some point at least, I got an idea on how to start revealing my predicament.
Pressure, temptation and addiction are inevitable which would lead us to savage changes until we come to the extent that we’d lose our conscientious disposition that is oftentimes concomitant to downfall of our aspirations. Talking of stepping out of the line, it is what we, students love to do—having the freedom to decide for what we think is for own good and search for happiness. In other words, we really enjoy being partly independent. Independence in self-indulgence but accompanied with negligence of proper conscience. Sometimes, we fail to realize that what we are doing would lead us to darkness and incapability to recognize our real world.
I am here at SMU having been granted the opportunity to restart my bachelor’s degree—sincerest gratitude to my brother who financially supports me. Like most of you, I am covetous of the paper which declares that one has complied with the prerequisites on a certain course, after four or five years of sacrifices, determination and hard-work. BUT there’s a big problem in my case, my very predicament and I know that I am nowhere to blame my family for being too slothful in my studies. I’ve been trying hard to love formal education like how I love real-life lessons, the problem is within me. I let myself used to do such worthless stuffs—earning friends (I don’t say that winning many friends is not right) not acknowledging myself of the limitations. With this pronounced supine, the more likely I lead myself to despair and less likely I feel the pangs of compunction I was stuck with.
Being marian contributes very little to my complacence as a student because of this laziness I cannot escape but knowing that I have a wide range of chance for self-transformation and self-improvement, I am willing to do every possible way to get back to the right path. I guess I should always remind myself that “EDUCATION IS THE BEST ANTIDOTE FOR (FILIPINO) IGNORANCE” –Jose P. Rizal, and that “I have brush and colors, I paint paradise and then in I go” –Nikos Kazantsakis. None of us would want to be imprisoned with uttered ignorance so before total darkness comes, I should be able to gain life’s enlightenment—I have to regain vigor. We aim not hellish life but paradise so before hell ever seize me I must take a very tight grip to the hands of practicality.
How about you? Have you ever realized the needs of changes in any angle of your personality? :)
Being with someone special is one of the precious moments in our lives. Well, I was with one of the most special people in my life last night. I missed him, that’s what I know. I was so happy chatting with him even if it meant welcoming pain—I really didn’t care—we talked about his girlfriend, his “bestfriend” and nothing more important.
It was like being in a dramatic scenario—I really can’t imagine that I was able to confide that I was hurt upon hearing about his “bestfriend”. What I cannot forget the most is that I prepared myself for our last bonding—it might be our last talk and I accepted this possibility.
There were many things I wanted to reveal but I was afraid to hear painful truth. I wanted to confess one thing but I did not bother. I wanted to ask him one thing but I preferred to keep myself dangling. I wanted to tell him one thing but I was afraid to hear responses that might embarrass me. I don’t know if I can stand this reality of losing someone but I know it has to be this way.
I am at Apo Pilo library with my fellow students from different schools/department.
We just checked our English exams and majority of the number of students in our class failed (I guess),including myself--I got 65.5 out of 140 (daw). My God! In instances like this, I remember Ma'am Pataueg, our Finance101 instructor. She is used to telling us "dapat kung my quiz/exams, tumbasan mu naman yung ibinibigay na allowance mu sa maghapon." something like that. And she would add, "halimbawa pag ang quiz, 20 items, dapat naman maipasa mo..." do you get the point? Rarr.. It should be that way talaga but I dunno what's happening to my life as a student. di ko feel na estudyante ako. I even confided to someone. He told me that he saw Gabriella Silang in me--easily giving up my dreams (daw). That should not be but neither would I promise myself to get higher grades next examination or in the coming quizzes in any of my subjects.
Talking about the recent Ms. Universe where Ms. Venus Raj represented Philippines. I wonder why folks here and there eye another major mistake (perhaps) of her. Well, you are right. I am talking about the question and answer portion. Though I did not watch the search myself, rumors and news (daw eh at di naman malayong mangyari) are spread. She was asked what may possibly been her major mistake in life and what did she do to make it right, she said that she doesn’t have major mistake yet. We are aware of some of her cases that were mentioned in news.
For me, it wasn’t a shame at all—the major major thing. Get over it! Do you think, if you were in her place, you would be able to make it to Top 10 or top 15? At least, she was able to make it to top 5—she bagged 4th place and that is another victory for our country. Agree? So, better watch your words guys.
She said in an interview that she didn’t know what she was saying during the Q&A portion but I think it doesn’t mean that she did not do her best; it means not that she did not transcend what she could. Perhaps, she really was preoccupied at the time regarding the issues she has encountered in the past. J
It was an insane decision to go in a place just to meet a guy. But for fun's sake, I once did it. I remember that one hot sunny day of March in 2009, I went to a place that was unfamiliar to me--especially the faces there, not even a single smile would lighten my feelings as an alien to that particular town of Nueva Vizcaya. One thing I am sure of is that it was such an unforgettable moment I have in the past. It wasn't the guy I was there for but for another guy who had contributed much in my life, who has been spicing up my mood, this guy who, at very first meeting touched my heart and my life indeed, the only guy I call "bestest friend", my only best guy friend.I would really love to shout his name but he would not appreciate it I know. This guy has been my favorite topic in every conversation I would take in my everyday life.
At this very statement I am writing, you would no doubt say that I am in love with this certain Mr. M. I won't be ashamed of saying "Yes, you are right." I love to admit that I am stupidly in love with a guy who can't return the love I give. What's the matter anyway? We are okay and as long as we are okay in our standing as friends, I will always remain as the "most stupid insane martyr girl" in his life. I don't care what other people would say or how they would react in my stupidity. The point is that I know where to be happy and that I am happy in his assuaging company.
I love him the way that anybody would do just for a guy.
"What the heck?" others might bumble. You care? It's my life and it is a matter of finding my happiness. I know, you'd still not agree with me. But what can I do? I can't resist or stop myself of loving someone who loves another girl. I am happy, that's all.:(
I actually do not have much to say. Remembering what my classmates noticed in me this morning--lumiit daw ang mata ko. They asked what my problem is and i jokingly said that a boyfriend just broke up with me but it really wasn't it. Last night, I sent a text message to my ate. Well, it wasn't about the reply, neither about someone. The problem is within me. What i can say is that I am thankful to God for letting me realize these things I should have realized earlier if I wasn't too selfish and have too much self-indulgent. Yes, I cried and went to school with the visible marks in my eyes--ang bigat ng mata ko--others think that I deprived myself of sleep last night, dahil siguro hindi naman aku yung tipong nagpapakita ng problema in public.
I simply told my classmates, "wala akong problema sa ibang tao, sa sarili ko mismo. Mas mahirap ang ganitong problema. Alam niyo yong nag-eexpect ka ng isang bagay without working hard for it. Yung gusto mong makaranas ng ganito o ganyan, wala ka namang ginagawa." well, it seemed that they got what i mean.
As i have mentioned in one of my earlier entries, be willing to work hard, struggle a little bit, risk a little bit and be willing to make your fingers dirty in order for us to attain our endeavors.
Ganito na lang, naalala ku kasi nung gabing naiisip ko 'tong mga gusto kong isulat ngayon. Matatakutin akong bata (he-he, bata talaga eh). I always say that I don't believe in apparitions or ghosts since I have not seen any, but I ronically, I can't stay in the dark alone, I'm afraid I might see one. Ha-ha! Eto kasi, nakaya kong magpunta ng banyo namin para maghilamos, nasa edge kasi siya ng bahay namin (outside the house), wee! Hindi ata tama. Ganito na lang, kumbaga kung sa “direction”, nasa south-west siya. Kuha mu? He-he. Madilim na kasi nun, walang napupuntang shade ng ilaw run tsaka nasa loob pa ng banyo yung switch ng ilaw. Hindi na kasi ginagamit yung banyo sa may kusina. Ayun! Nakapaghilamos na ako. Bow! Achievement yun men! Ha-ha!
I had many things in mind at that very instant. There was that best friend, that boyfriend and most especially, my predicament--there was that education. I am the type who really can't take education seriously. If you'd notice me seriously reading educational books or attentively listening to our instructor, miracle yun! He-he. May mga kakilala akong araw-araw, araw-gabi, before bedtime and upon getting-up, nagbabasa muna ng book, as in routinal talaga yun and I admire them for that. Sa totoo lang, gusto kong ma'adapt ang pag-uugaling yun. SUBALIT, NGUNIT, DATAPUWA'T, kalabanin ku ba naman ang intrinsic na katamaran ko, that “K”? Ang hirap kaya.
Here I go. Gusto mo bang malaman kung anu ang gusto kong mangyari sa daily life ko? (Kahit naman ayaw mu, gusto ku pa rin i'share. Ha-ha!). Shall I start?
Eto na, sisimulan ko sa araw ng Sunday pero Monday na lang, ha-ha! (dami ko tawa 'no?). Nagigising aku between 5-6am, aga 'no?, 8 pa ang klase ko eh di maluwag pa ako sa time to do anything that MUST be done or NEEDED to be finished? PERO ang ugali ko, mahiga lang at mag-isip ng mga napakawalang-kwentang bagay. Diba dapat magbasa ako gaya ng mga hinahangaan kong estidyante diyan? Got the first point? Tapos okay naman ang pagprepare ko when going to school, before or on time naman. 8AM to 12AM ang klase ko, three subjects (AC, Eng., Socio)pero bakante ku pa pala ng 10-11 and we usually do some research at apo pilo libaray then when 12 comes, lunchtime ko na gang 2:30. Joke lang. Bale ang dapat kong gawin, lunch muna (siyempre) pero saglit lang naman yun. So, dapat review o magbasa muna o advance study. Yan naman ang pangalawa. MWF sched ko yan sa umaga. Pwede ko din naman idagdag and paglalaba whatsoever. Sa hapon naman, from 2:30 to 5:30 ang klase ko for two subjects (Finance at Filipino). Klase yun so klase lang talaga dapat (seriously). Then uwian na. Schedule ko sa boarding ang paghahanda ng dinner at nagagawa ko naman ang duty ko ("Thou shall not neglect your duties" ika nga) so punta tayo sa after “night-rituals” ko (paghilamos/ pagshower/ refresh). Gaya nila, I should get a book to read or go over my lessons or do my assignments kung meron man. Ayos diba? Nakakapagod na pag-aaral. He-he!Sa TTh sched ko naman. I usually wake up at around 5-6 kasi 7 ang klase ku. ayun! la aku bakante during Tuesdays and Thursdays, 7-11:30 ang class ku, no vacant time (pero pasaway kami. yenda muna pagdating ng science namin :D). We are usually dismissed earlier than expected na 11:30. ayun!!! basta seryosong pag-aaral.. wise time management.. wise expenditure of money.. I should not squander every cent I receive from my brother, parents and from any of them--my family. I should not kill the time with such nonsense stuffs.:) Ayos diba?
IN SHORT..
Change for the better.
IN OTHER WORDS..
Gusto ku ma'feel pagiging estudyante ku but admittedly, I can't easily adjust myself to where I am supposed to be. Ayun lang!
Thanks God for letting us have this Apo Pilo library.
